FullMetal Praxemist
by Corad and Bijoux
Summary: Haven City cannot gain peace, without first eliminating their Baron. To obtain, something of equal value must scare him off. That is Haven’s first law of equivalent exchange. In that city, we really believe that to be the world’s one and only truth.
1. Chapter 1

**Corad: Another idiotic fic Bijoux and I have up and going lol. This time it's a crossover with Fullmetal Alchemist with inspiration from a few ppl asking us to do an anime crossover. There may be a few spoilers for both the Jak series and FMA series, so just be warned. This fic also contains OCs from Cry of the Wolf. For those who aren't familiar with these OCs, you can read their bios on our profile page for two of them, and see any pics on our homepage for an idea of what they look like. Now, Bijoux and I don't own Jak and Daxter, FullMetal Alchemist or the song Ready Steady Go. Please read and enjoy!

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**Prologue: Ready, Steady Go…**

"_Haven City cannot gain peace, without first eliminating their Baron. To obtain, something of equal value must scare him off. That is Haven's first law of equivalent exchange. In that city, we really believe that to be the world's one and only truth."_

**READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK  
****READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK  
****READY STREADY NEVER LOOK BACK  
****LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO**

**FULLMETAL  
****PRAXEMIST**

It was a happy day in the city of Haven, citizens were happily wandering the streets in their daily business, with a great deal of harmony and ease…well…that was before the drums and guitar started up out of nowhere, and people started diving out of the way at the sight of Baron Praxis, dressed in clothes which would have been suitable for a teenage boy…in both style and size…

Next to the loveable Baron was a suit of armour, which was also protesting about why it had to be there. Yes…it was time for a new adventure, and by the looks of things, it had a lot to do with those Fullmetal Alchemist comics and DVD's the Baron had recently shipped into the city.

**Sceneries being blown away  
****seem to whirl in front of me  
****Even if I get desperate,  
****I won't overlook my target anymore**

The scenario of the Yakow paddocks unraveled as Praxis and…err…'suit of armour'…ran into it. There were Yakows around, going blissfully about their boring lives, when the Baron and his Armor decided to invade their peaceful surroundings. We all know the Baron plus Yakows don't equal anything good, so we'll leave out exactly what happened. Let's just say a few hundred guards were called in to sort out the left over destruction once called the Yakow Paddocks.

The two 'alchemists' continued to run through the city…though…Praxis did have a heart attack along the area where they were singing 'Even if I get desperate…' The suit of Armor stopped running and turned around, seeing the crumpled heap of Baron Praxis lying on the ground. It was a sad, sad sight…

**An unreliable map should be burnt  
****I'll grasp onto the buried truth with my hands**

Once the Baron had recovered from his mild heart attack, the two began running again, scenery changing from the "happy, Peaceful" paddocks (shows paddocks on fire with Yakows running wild and guards strewn all over the place dead) to an open area, also known as the port. The "ocean" came into full view as the two ran further away from the paddocks, Praxis struggling to run, let alone breathe. He even forced his Armored friend to stop for a breather, seeing he felt like another heart attack was on its way. It had proved to be a false alarm however, so the two continued running around the city pointlessly, scaring the entire population of citizens in the making.

**I came running frantically -hastily-**

And in the time space of the last verse, our "heroes" appeared in the public library, Praxis clutching his hand a little too tightly around a cheeseburger he had stolen from a bystander, the sauce exploding out of the bun as a result. His armor friend stood silently behind him, wondering how and why his Baron had a burger, but didn't think much into it when Praxis decided to jump on his head. 'Alphonse' was crushed by Praxward's weight, sending him into the floor also in a crumpled heap. For some reason Keira appeared out of nowhere, and decided to avenge the fallen Alphonse mimic. She ran over to the Baron, a large library book clasped in her hands as she began whacking Praxis over the head, forcing him to collapse onto the ground, again struggling to breath.

Keira decided to leave Praxis and the suit of Armor to their own demise on the library floor after successfully defeating the Baron. Praxis had other plans though, and picked himself up after the coast was clear, and dragged Alphonse out the main doors, more screams from citizens sounding off as they darted into nearby buildings for safety.

**The throb of my heartbeats feels deafening enough to burst**

Out in a nice, serene field gathered Torn, Ashelin, Kleiver and Sharok, all blissful to what was heading their way down the path. Yes, it was a horrid sight to see Praxis running, his flab wobbling uncontrollably as he headed towards the four innocent people. Kleiver turned around first, his eyes growing wide in fear and began shouting for everyone to run for their lives. So the pursuit began, Torn ahead, followed by Sharok, followed by Ashelin with Kleiver bringing up the rear…or should I say rears? His backside is equivalent to more than one I assume…(Kleiver: Hey!)

Panic had settled in the air, Praxis and Alphonse slowly approaching the running foursome. Kleiver began to feel the burn, literally, and ripped off his shirt to help aid his dehydration. Alphonse made a squeak of fear behind them at the sight of a shirtless Kleiver running 10 miles an hour, his fat bouncing around in a sickening display. Ashelin, also feeling slightly threatened at her father's sudden appearance in some tight fitting clothing and a blonde plaited wig, pulled out her gun, shooting bullets behind her in the hopes to scare Praxis away. But nothing could scare Baron Praxward now. He was on a roll. But, we did see some form of life become terribly scared at something. Sharok, hearing the bullets turned his head around, and saw the shirtless Kleiver a few meters behind him. The impact began to burn his eyes, and soon the ex Krimzon guard was on the ground, screaming and rubbing his eyes. Praxis and the Armor bypassed the fallen Sharok, completely ignoring him as the continued to pursue the remaining three.

What they had done exactly to deserve this, Torn had no clue, but he fumbled around in his pockets for something to aid their escape, and felt a box of matches brush his fingers. He pulled them out, lighting a match and tossing it behind him. Fire had been known to scare the Baron, but Praxis seemed to have had a make over, so maybe such simple things didn't scare him anymore. It would have been a good thing though if the match hadn't had hit Kleiver instead, catching his moustache on fire. Those who heard Kleiver scream would be scarred for life O.o

**Your voice is echoing -shouting-**

As Kleiver too collapsed in the grassy ground, Praxis began to grow tiresome of chasing Torn Mustang and Ashelin Hawkeye, and seeing Sharok Hues and Kleiver Armstrong were no more, he felt he should go bother a new victim: Scar. When Sig heard the thumping of running footsteps approach the Naughty Ottsel, he knew he should have made a runner. But when the door slid open, and Baron Edward forced his way through, with a suit of armor, something inside just kept him planted on the seat in his booth. Sig's mouth hung open wide, eyes staring blankly as Praxis glared at him for a while, then seeking nothing but utter boredom, the Baron ran back outside screaming something like hunting down the Homunculi.

The suit of armor behind began protesting again as Praxis made him run behind. They were now heading back into the Yakow paddocks, which had fortunately had the fires put out and dead guards removed, but after the two had passed again, it just automatically caught alight and dead guards reappeared everywhere. On his way though, Praxis pulled his armor friend over to three other bystanders, blissfully unaware of the Baron lurking up to them.

One of the bystanders happens to be Erol, glaring daggers at Praxis and his armored friend. However, even we don't know how this works coz up until now, Alphonse has really been Erolphonse, but who cares…it'll work somehow. Next in line is Krew, floating like the tub of lard he is in his chair, whilst trying to float past Erol and make a move to escape. The last person happens to be crossing her arms, death glaring Praxis along with Erol. Yes, Lenna wondered why she too was dragged into this fic, and she wanted to know exactly why she was being accompanied by a maniacal commander and floating tub of lard. But after getting not much entertainment out of any of these people, Praxis made his leave once again, dragging Erolphonse along who was kicking and screaming to give up the idiocy already.

**There's no time to be like standing still here**

And finally before the guitar is the only thing remaining in this song which will now forever scar your lives, every time you hear and see it on TV, Praxis' stupidity seems to have increased, as he sits in the rain with Erolphonse. Keira comes along with an umbrella for some reason, even though she tried to beat him up before in the library…and we're all happy as the camera goes to look at the sky to see the magical rainbow of forgiveness…

But it's not as magical as it seems, as the song is still going…with the guitar…Praxis and Erolphonse are seen hiding behind a wall in the Palace, Praxis looking slightly guilty over something. Preferably the screaming cook down the hall may answer that question. And then Praxis comes rushing onto another part of the scene, his back facing us, and he is now wearing the blue military uniform, though it looks like it had been put on in a hurry. Praxis turns around, and he is wearing an eye patch over his only eye…and he's put on a black, fake moustache for some reason, which not only is upside down on his face, but it is also going UP his face, instead of ACROSS.

**READY STEADY GO  
****PLEASE TRUST ME**

The scenes continue, and Praxis reaches for the light emitting offa McDonalds' sign above him, as Erolphonse is seen looking depressed and overall embarrassed of the Baron. It was going to be another one of those days again…

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**Corad: Ok, so that's the prologue. If you made it this far, and want more, please review to let us know. Both of us have a vague idea where we could take this, but we need to know if ppl are enjoying it to bother continuing. And don't worry, Praxis isn't staying Edward. Probably from the next chapter onwards, Jak will become a mimic of Ed, with Daxter being forced into Al's suit. Also, sorry if this prologue was a bit jumbled up. We were trying to get it close to the opening theme of FMA. It prooved kinda hard...Again, the more reviews you guys leave, the more likely an update will occur. Toodles!**


	2. The Nightmare Begins

**Corad: Hey guys. Hope you're all having a good Easter Weekend! Because we got so much postive feedback, we're decided to write another chapter. So I want to thank Silver Horror, JakLover, Zekoi, Jaxter, Meowen, Moonclaw and Guardian Angel of Haven City for their encouraging reviews. All you other readers have these guys to thank for the next chapter, coz without them, there probably wouldn't be one. Ok, this chapter is basically setting up the story, introducing a few characters, Praxis' intentions etc. After this chapter, we'll get into fusing the Anime episodes into Jak and Daxter. Just as a note too, we're working off the Anime for this. I've read only a few chapters of the Manga, and I know it's slightly different from the TV eps. But the Anime is easier to work with lol. Now, on with this chappie!**

**Neither Bijoux or I own FMA or Jak and Daxter. If we did, this would probably be a reality o.O**

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"_Haven City cannot gain peace, without first eliminating their Baron. To obtain, something of equal value must scare him off. That is Haven's first law of equivalent exchange. In that city, we really believe that to be the world's one and only truth."_

**(Insert Prologue here)**

**FULLMETAL  
****PRAXEMIST**

**THE NIGHTMARE BEGINS**

Silent sobbing was heard through the throne door, a certain Baron inside weeping over his Fullmetal Alchemist collection. Not only had the Baron watched the whole 51 episodes, but he'd also somehow watched the movie, read the whole Manga series and played the PS2 game, all in a week. A week locked up in his throne room with nothing but FMA was just a recipe for disaster, but on top of that, there was nothing left for our poor old Praxis. Nothing new the series could offer him. It was such a depressing feeling…that is, until a thought occurred inside his head. One so genius that it was a miracle that he could even think it up.

"Um Sir, what are you doing?" a suspicious voice asked after the Baron had stumbled out the throne room, holding a large box of clothes. Praxis turned his face to Erol, smiling innocently at him.

"Now, now Envy. That's no way to speak to your Fuhrer," Praxis replied, taking a few steps forward and smashing into a nearby wall. The Baron fell to the ground; the box fell out his hands, clothes and all sorts littering the floor as Erol rushed to help his Baron up. However, the commander raised a worried eyebrow for his Baron had a black eye patch on his only functioning eye, and was wearing a form of blue military uniform. He'd also realized that Praxis had shaved his beard off, and dyed his moustache black.

"Uh, Praxis sir…what's all this?" Erol pressed on, struggling to heave the Baron onto his feet. Praxis spun around, and faced where he thought Erol was standing.

"I told you Envy, I am no longer Baron Praxis, but Baron Bradley!" he roared, pointing a finger threateningly in mid air, Erol standing on his other side still with worry written on his face.

"Sir, I'm over here…" Praxis heard the "mocking" tone of Erol, and spun around, looking frantically around the place. His shallow breathing told anyone he was hyperventilating, and when he began screaming he was blind, we all know why. "But Sir, you are wearing an eye patch on your only eye!" The small commander ran forward, trying to calm down Praxis and ripped the eye patch off his Baron's face.

"Ah Envy, it's good to see you again. How are things with Dante'?" the Baron asked casually, patting Erol lightly on the shoulder, beaming a smile at him again. Erol began to look nervous, wondering why the Baron kept calling him "Envy" and was trying to work out who Dante was. But the Baron destroyed all his mindless thoughts by shoving a skimpy black singlet and skort at him, followed by a can of dark green hair spray. To top it off, a black head band with an upside down red triangle was tossed at him from the box too.

"Now Envy, put these on, and follow me. We are going on a philosopher stone hunt," the Baron instructed, continuing on down the hallway and stopping in front of his daughter's room, before barging his way in out of sight. Erol stood speechless for a while, hearing Ashelin's roars of fury echo around, before looking down at the clothes. They looked like something one of the girl's would wear, but the Baron's demanding tone ran through his head, so he ran off to his room to change.

Once he'd managed to slip the singlet over his head, he found it cut off just above his gut. "O…kay, so, why the hell does he want me wearing this?" Erol growled angrily, tugging the skort on and realizing it looked more like a small black mini skirt than anything else. He almost cried while spraying his nice orange hair a dark green color, before finally putting the black head band on. Yes, he looked like a freak, but the Baron had wished him to dress up like this, so he couldn't argue.

"Quick Envy! Riza's gonna going to tell Roy our plan! Hurry!" the Baron shouted in a panic stricken state outside the door, banging hard on the wooden surface. It wasn't long until a fist was forced through by accident, and the whole door fell in. "Wait, you're not Envy!" Praxis shouted suddenly, his eye falling on Erol standing beside his mirror frowning. Pulling out two black, fingerless gloves and a pair of black, heel and toeless socks, he hurled them at his commander, and roared at him to put them on. Sighing, the new items of clothing were put on, and the Baron squealed in delight, grabbing Erol by his now bare arm and dragging him down the hall towards the main door.

Erol caught a glimpse of Ashelin, although she had been forced into another blue military outfit and her hair had been bleached blonde and tied back. The profanity she was screaming at her father's back told Erol that she had suffered the same treatment as himself, and could only watch as she pulled her gun out, shooting randomly around the hall, still screaming.

But the Baron ignored her, and soon the two were standing outside, Erol feeling slightly uncomfortable for being this much exposed to the public. However, he couldn't dwell into it for too long, for Baron Bradley had begun dragging him again directly down the stairs and towards Mar's Tomb. Erol didn't like where this was going, especially when Praxley shoved him first through the door which they forced open themselves. They took the slow, creaking lift down (probably creaking coz Praxis is on it) before Baron Praxley dashed down the stairs screaming and disrupting every living thing down there.

And so, the idiocy really began. Praxis kept running and screaming, the eye patch he had put back on, but onto his other "eye", kept inching dangerously close off his metal armored head. The Baron even ran through that murky water stuff, the little metal head things evacuating in panic as one of their comrades met an untimely end under the large man's foot. At least he was clearing a safe path for Erol though, which the commander picked up. So "Envy" began to follow his high and mighty Bar…errr…Fuhrer, and soon both came to an abrupt halt in the chamber with the precursor stone. It glinted an eerily green color (just like Praxis' face when he ate too much in one sitting) from where it rested on the wall.

"Ah…we found it. Now Envy, you take this one, and together, we'll create the Philosopher's stone," the Baron instructed, handing over a can of something. Erol looked down, trying to read the label which the Baron had crossed out and written "Philosopher stone ingredient". He really wanted to know what was written there, but when he looked up to find Baron Braxis spray painting the green stone red.

"SIR! What are you…?" Erol began, but Praxis turned around, eying him carefully while pointing to the can in his hand. Sighing in defeat, Erol stepped forward and helped his Baron spray paint the Precursor Stone red, before the two stood back to admire their work.

"It's so beautiful, isn't it Envy?"

"What, the stone or your gut?"

"This is not the time for jokes my lovable Homunculus. Now that we have created the stone, we must find the stone," Praxis said in a mysterious voice, his face still looking up at the "Philosopher's stone" before him. The red glow illuminated on Braxis' serious face, and Erol couldn't help but snort in laughter. "Is something the matter, Envy?"

"Er, no sir. It's just; you said we must find the stone. Technically we've already found it, and we're standing right in front of it," Erol began, motioning up at the stone and resting his other hand on his hip (Prrp, such an Envy thing). Praxis seemed too lost for words, but finally spoke up, his loud voice echoing around the silent chamber.

"Envy, I told you! We need to find the Philosopher stone! This Philosopher stone is not the Philosopher stone! Now come, we're leaving to find the stone once and for all, before Jakward can get his little hands on it…" Praxis hissed more to himself than anyone else, but grabbed Erol's wrist and yanked him quickly to follow. Maybe Praxis was just being stupid as per usual (In all our Palace Stories) or maybe this is what really happened on this so called "Fullmetal Alchemist" thing he watched. Whichever it was, no time was spared to think about it as sunlight beamed on their faces as they stepped through the tomb's main door.

It was a nice feeling being back outside, in the "fresh" air and lovable atmosphere. But Erol knew that this wasn't the end of the Baron's crazy adventures, and feared to see what would happen next. Yes, he could just tell it would get worse, now that the Stone had been created, and also due the fact that he was currently being dragged towards the slums.

"Now Envy. We are missing cast members, so you and I will drop by the Underground, and make the scum bags there become characters. Do you understand?" the Baron had suddenly stopped walking to look at Erol to see if he had in fact, understood.

"Sir, it doesn't take a genius to work that out," Erol groaned, after doing a face plant into his gut. He hadn't noticed Baron Braxis had stopped, and walked right into him. (shudders) Poor, Poor Env…I mean Erol.

"Well, if that's the case, then we shall prevail and create more characters!" Baron Bradley roared, taking off in a mad rush to get to the underground first before anybody else. Erol rolled his eyes, and followed at a dawdling pace, shoulders sagging and eyes half closed. It wasn't long until he reached the underground, and already the Baron was down inside. He could even hear Torn's furious yells and a few other people shout at him, before the Baron told them all to obey or meet a sudden, doomed death.

"You idiot! This is the Underground! Get the hell out!" Torn shouted, face flaring up in rage. Braxis cast a glance over him, a thought running into his head.

"Yes, you make the perfect Roy Mustang. From now on, you must dye your hair black, and dress in these, Torn Mustang. Now you," Praxis mumbled, tossing the military uniform randomly at Torn who stumbled back to catch it. Jak cowered slightly under Praxis' glare, and cowered even more when the Baron took out some more clothes. "You will be Edward Elric, seeing not only are you the 'hero', but you are also a foot shorter than everyone else, and also a blonde," Praxis muttered, pulling out black clothes followed by a long red traveling coat.

"I'm not short, and I'm not blonde!" Jak shouted, grasping the clothes and death glaring the Baron as he made a move forward. Praxis pulled out a comb and began styling Jak's hair (it's long like in Jak2) and soon he stepped back, Ed's hairstyle looking directly at him. Yes, it had the fringe, and even a poorly done plait down his neck. It was perfect.

"Ah, my first creation…"

"Sir, what about me then?" Erol asked in a grudging tone, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, arms crossed. Praxis turned around and shrugged at him, before placing all attention back on Jakward. However, something caught his eye, which made him get angry and begin to hyperventilate again.

"Ed doesn't have a goatee!" Praxis yelled, forcefully ripping Jak's only form of facial hair off his chin. The teen began screaming; not only in pain but in loss of his err…"manlihood". He collapsed onto his knees, cradling his chin while he sobbed like a little kid. But Praxis wasn't done creating characters, and turned to the Ottsel standing on the desk beside Jak and Torn. "I have perfect plans for you," the Baron leered, eyes lighting up. About five minutes later, where Daxter once stood, was a large suit of armour. So large it was bigger than Praxis himself.

"Ok in there, furry dude!" Baron Bradley roared, smashing his fists into the suit's chest. The ottsel inside began to get a head ache, as the sound around him rang out repeatedly as it echoed. It was kinda like being forced into a trashcan, and bullies start kicking and banging the can while you're still in it. But when Daxter didn't respond, the Baron began to fear for his little Daxphonse and pulled off the helmet. He peered inside, and saw Daxter, standing on a poorly made platform in the middle of the chest, holding onto levers which were meant to aid his movement of the large suit of armor. But all was ok when Daxter began screaming at the Baron again, so Praxis shoved back on the helmet and wondered up to Sharok, who was trying to stay hidden behind Torn.

"Ah, if it isn't my old comrade Sharok. Now, you are going to be my personal favorite," Praxis said casually, turning around and death glaring Erol/Envy for some reason before looking back at the ex Krimzon guard. He pulled out another blue uniform, followed by some glasses and a pair of scissors. He placed the glasses onto Sharok's face, and began talking about "Now this is gonna hurt you, a lot more than it's gonna hurt me," and before Sharok knew what was happening, Praxis began cutting off his long black hair.

It wasn't long until Sharok began protesting, weeping as his long hair fell to the ground, and finally couldn't take anymore and shoved Praxis away. He fled up the stairs, his hair somewhat shorter now (about neck length) and wasn't seen again…but he'll come back later coz he's Maes after all. There was one final person to make over now. Yes, he was the shortest of them all (Bijoux: Um, well what about Daxter?) and he was green.

"Old Man Samos…you are also going to be one of my favorites," Praxis began, raiding his box again for a small dress and an apron. He handed the old Sage his costume and found a little pair of glasses buried underneath some more clothes. Holding them out to Samos, the sage began to protest with things like "I already have glasses" before Praxis, feeling slightly enraged ripped off the old man's and threw them on the ground.

They cracked a few times, but still Baron Bradley wasn't satisfied and began jumping up and down on them, destroying them further. Now that Samos' old glasses were gone, he would have to use Pinnako's. And so, poor old Samos was turned into Pinnako, which kinda makes sense if Keira's Winry.

But now that all the people in the Underground at the present time had been mutated into Fullmetal Alchemist people, Praxis felt his work was done. Before he left though, he grabbed Jak and Daxter, dragging them up the stairs and out of sight. Once outside, he handed them two scripts, and began explaining to them that their fate was not over yet.

"Now, I'm gonna dump you both in the wasteland, and you will read these scripts and like them. I will be trailing behind watching, while you two walk to the city at the end of the desert," Praxis said, leading Jak and Daxter (who was struggling to move the suit of armor let alone keep up) over to a hellcat. Erol came out of the underground a few moments later, and saw Baron Braxis talking to Jak and the armor, and feared something bad was going to happen. When he approached the Baron however, Praxis fell silent, looking from Jak to Daxphonse and then to Erol.

"Envy, you aren't in the first episode, so you have to get lost," Praxis said as if he was talking to a child, pointing back in the direction of the Palace. Erol stood planted on the ground, eyebrow raised and arms crossed again while he looked at the three. Maybe Jak could handle the situation by himself, so he began to leave, muttering under his breath about reporting this to Ashelin. When he had left completely, Baron Praxis then turned back to his two "heroes" and made them get into the hellcat. Yes, this is only the beginning of the horrors that are yet to come. Knowing Praxis, there'll be nothing left of Haven city or Spargus for that matter, when he's done…

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**Corad: If you're wondering, Praxis had many names in this chapter: Baron Praxis, Baron Bradley, Praxley, Braxis, Fuhrer King Praxis, Fuhrer King Baron...Fuhrer Baron Bradley...um, Fuhrer Baron Praxis...Fuhrer Baron Braxis...there's another one there somewhere. Ah yeah, Fuhrer Baron Praxley. There's more but I'm confusing myself right now. Hopefully that chapter was ok. The Baron has picked out a few victims, but more are to come. Writing this is going to be hard though, coz I can't find any FMA episode scripts on the net, so we have to watch the anime again and write down segment conversations ourselves. With a bit of luck, it will be worth it though. Because of that, we're asking for 5 reviews in exchange for the next chapter. Yeah, it might seem a bit much, but it's time consuming to sit and watch FMA againand organise scripts and scenes before writing it out as FullMetal Praxemist. On top of that, both of us have stories on the go and Bijoux still has school to deal with lol. Hopefully you guys can understand. We just need encouragement from readers that's all. I'll say this again though, Sharok is an OC from one of my large fics. I put up a few pics of him on fanart if you want to take a look. We ran out of canon characters coz there's too many FMA cast members...but yeah, please review to help get the next update up! Thanks!**


	3. To Challenge The Baron PT1

**Bijoux: Uh...sorry for the wait on this chapter...we were waiting for some Alchemist DVD's to come so that we could write down the script better...and yeah...not to mention my lazy backside getting in the way of the whole thing...meh...thankyou for all the reviews we have gotten from the other chapters...**

**We don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Jak and Daxter, if we did, this story would be reality and the two things wouldn't have as many fans...(room falls silent)...**

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"_Haven City cannot gain peace, without first eliminating their Baron. To obtain, something of equal value must scare him off. That is Haven's first law of equivalent exchange. In that city, we really believe that to be the world's one and only truth."_

**(Insert Prologue here)**

**FULLMETAL  
PRAXEMIST **

**TO CHALLENGE THE BARON**

"Jak…why is he taking us to the wasteland…?" Daxter's voice echoed out of the suit of amour he was currently situated in.

"Daxter…I don't know…I really don't know…" Jak grumbled back as he slouched into his seat, crossing his arms and glaring at the atmosphere in front of him.

"Ah…here at last…" Praxis stated in a happy tone, as the hellcat came to a sudden halt, causing Jak and Daxter to both fly toward the front of the hovering vehicle. Praxis lowered the hellcat to a level at which Jak and Daxter would be able to get out of, before he turned in his seat so that he was facing both of them.

"Now get out…" Praxis hissed, all signs of joy evaporating off his face, just like Praxis beer on a hot day…even though it wasn't really evaporating…in a sense…(shifty eye)…

Jak and Daxter exchanged glances of fear, before they scurried out of the vehicle. Praxis then drove the hellcat a bit behind the two, and waited in sheer anticipation as they stood in silence, the hot desert sun already making them weaker by the minute.

"Okay…so…uh…what now…?" Daxter asked as he struggled to stay standing in the sand.

"Well…I think we…um…uh…scripts…?" Jak mumbled to himself aloud as he turned away from Daxter and flicked through the script Praxis had given him.

A few minutes passed before Jak finally lost it, the heat increasing to his temper levels as he began grumbling profanities to himself.

"AAAAHHH! I hate this!" Jak screamed, "That bumbling idiot of a-…huh…? Daxter…? DAXTER…? Where'd you go buddy…?" Jak became confused when he turned around to find no Daxter.

"Down here Jak!" Jak heard a scream somewhere below him and became invoked with petty fear when a cold hand wrapped around one of his ankles. Jak let out a wailing scream, as the hand tightened around his left ankle.

A few minutes later Jak had calmed down, and had managed to dig his small, but in a way large friend out from the unforgiving sand dune. The two were sitting on the ground, panting heavily as Praxis stared at them, a video camera in his porky hand.

"Why'd you sink anyways Dax…?" Jak stated as he got to his feet, dusting off the red coat he had been forced into, as Daxter arose next to him.

"I got full Jak!" Daxter screamed in a defensive stance.

"Full! FULL OF WHAT!" Jak shouted back as he let his last piece of calmness filter out his body, kicking the large suit of armor in the chest plate. Sand came billowing out of the suit, which managed to cover the short elf.

Praxis began to cheer like a schoolgirl at a prom, as Jak struggled to get out of the sand hell.

Once Jak had emerged, he sat there panting for a while…which to Praxis' dislike ruined the feel to the scene.

"HEY! Read off the script you lollygaggers!" Praxis yelled as he pulled the radio off the hellcat, and hurled it at the two. Jak screamed as he darted out of the way of the cord filled radio, narrowly missing its target range as it fell to the sandy ground, creating a deep hole on the desert floor.

Jak rolled his eyes, pulling the script he had received out of the coat's pocket, while Daxter pulled his out from somewhere in the suit.

Jak then cleared his throat, reading off the lines where he supposed they should be up to, after just doing the first bit of it on their own accord. Daxter did a fake nervous laugh in the background while Jak began to read.

"Get back here…" Jak stated in an unenthusiastic tone, not even turning to look at Daxter as he slowly climbed to his shaking feet.

Daxter remained on the spot, not really knowing what to do as Praxis gave him looks of angry anticipation.

"What…are you…gonna do…?" Daxter stated, also in an unenthusiastic tone.

"Nothing…" Jak said, still looking at his script as if Christmas had been canceled.

"Then why…are you chasing… me…?" Daxter mumbled, still standing in the exact same place that he was at the start of this whole stupid ordeal.

"What…? I'm not chasing you…" Jak said as he looked at Daxter with a confused face, darting out the way just in time to see the hellcat's CD player coming towards him at a speed not even the hellcat's engine could go at. The CD player fell to the ground at Daxphonse's feet, and Jak was forced to endure some rather perturbed insults that Baron Praxley threw his way, right after he had hurled the hellcat's aerial at the elf as if it were a spear.

"READ IT RIGHT JAKWARD! OR I'M DEFYING YOUR STATE ALCHEMIST…err…thingy!" Fuhrer King Idiot stated, shaking his fist at the blonde elf, as he stared back with a puzzled face expression.

Daxter chuckled to himself, happy that for once Jak was having things hurled at him, both physically and verbally, instead of at himself. But the small Ottsel in the big suit of amour was not out of the woods.

"What are you laughing at you overturned trash hauler! You start running NOW!" Praxis roared as he slammed his foot onto the accelerator of the Hellcat, getting a few feet after the running suit of amour before the vehicle ran out of fuel, leaving Praxis to slowly come to a halt. He stared after the escaping Daxphonse, a glare on his face and his back hunched over the steering wheel of his hellcat.

Jak soon after ran past, panting as he went after Daxter, who had stopped a little ways before the entrance to Spargus.

"Daxter…there you are…" Jak panted as he slowed to a walk as he approached his now, taller than him, friend.

"Where's Praxis…?" Daxter asked, he too was panting from within the suit.

"Well…I think he ran out of fuel and…oh my God…" Jak stated as he turned around just in time to see the Baron coming towards them, his angry face still on, and his back hunched even more than before, as he advanced at an even quicker speed.

"WHAT! I thought you said he was out of fuel!" Daxter screamed just as Jak got a glimpse of the Marauder that had situated himself behind the hellcat, smashing into the 'loveable' Baron in the manner of trying to kill him. Praxis didn't even seem to notice or care.

The two friends ran screaming into Spargus, their arms waving around high in the air, as they ran through the desert city.

Feeling threatened by the Marauder, as wastelanders do, the citizens of Spargus began to wage a personal war against the single marauder car.

The car blew up, and Praxis' hellcat continued on, before it slowed to halt right next to a gas pump.

Sometime later, Praxis had refilled the Hellcat's fuel tank and whilst he was still in the Hellcat, the loveable fat man, also named Fuhrer King Pradley, explained to Jak and Daxter, that they must stay in the same place, while he went to do some 'Extra Duties' as he had called them.

And so Jak and Daxter were forced to hang around the Light eco vent while Praxis went and harassed other people around Spargus, forcing random citizens into poorly built stalls that he had created. He had even shoved a pink and brown wig on top of Seem's head after finding her congregating with the other monks outside the arena. Seem had been 'ungrateful' enough, as Praxis referred to it, and had thrown the wig off her head and onto the dusty floor. As a result, Praxis had super glued it to her headgear and screamed abuse at her for about 5 minutes, before the ordeal was over and Praxis was driving, yes, he had never got out the hellcat, back to Jakward and Daxphonse at the Eco vent.

"OH MY GOD! STOP THOSE CHILDREN!" Praxis screamed loudly and gasped at the same time as he pointed to Jak and Daxter, then to the light eco vent. Praxis then grabbed a random wastelander by the scruff of his neck and hurled him towards the two.

"But I…" the wastelander man stuttered on his words, something which Vin would do, as he stumbled towards Jak and Daxter.

"READ THE LINES!" Fuhron Bang Braxis roared as he threw a script at the man, which hit him in the head and caused him to cry out in fear. He bent down and picked up the script in his shaking hands before he flicked to the destined page and began to read it aloud.

"Hey! Get away from there! You know that's off limits to…_Jaks_…" the man stated as he stood looking terrified for a while, before Praxis grabbed him by the neck again and dragged him away somewhere, soon reappearing in his hellcat next to Jak and Daxter.

"Now…yes…I think we will do this…over here…" Praxis stated as he prodded Jak and Daxter with the nose of his Hellcat, the points at the front stabbing into Jak's flesh. This caused him to climb to his feet in a mad hurry, as he quickly walked towards a poorly built stall that Praxis had built, and was now prodding them towards.

When Jak and Daxter reached the stall, they realized that the man from before was inside it, and looked fearful as he kept glancing at the roof of the stall as if it would fall any moment. Every time that even the lightest of winds would come around, the shaky support beams of the stall would creak and sway backwards and forwards.

"Help me…" the man whispered towards Jak and Daxter as they seated themselves on stools at the poorly made counter of the booth.

"READ IT RIGHT!" Praxis screamed as he hurled another script at the man in the stall. The script narrowly missed one of the support beams, causing the man to scream like a little girl. And so, hands shaking with fear, the man picked up the script and began to shakily read aloud his lines.

"Hahahaha…" the man…who we will now call…uh…Solomon…nervously laughed.

"HEY! THERE WAS AN EXTRA HA IN THERE!" Praxis roared as he hurled a citizen shaped 'rock' at the stall. Solomon screamed again, as he ducked out of the way from the 'rock'.

"You're out of towners. That explains it. You'll have to forgive me. I thought you were trying to sneak a little nip…" Solomon once again nervously stuttered on his words, all the while glancing nervously at Praxis' excited face expression.

"A fountain, stocked with free wine. That's pretty ritzy. This town must be loaded," Jak mumbled, a bored face expression on his face as he looked down at his lines, completely ignoring Solomon's pleas for help, along with the constant creaking of the stall. He also seemed completely oblivious to the fact that there was no wine fountain in Spargus, and probably never would be, as long as you don't count the one in Damas' bedroom…(trails off alongside doing the nervous eye)…

"Yeah…we do alright here…oh I almost forgot. Time for a little soul food…" Solomon stuttered on his words again, as he pulled the Hellcat's departed radio out of nowhere, and began to fiddle with its controls. No one at the stall really expected the radio to work, but Praxis must have done something to it to make it work again.

One of the only things that Jak took heed to as the radio crackled to life, was the pink chord, with the Barbie logo on it that was plugged into the radio, and disappeared all the way to Praxis' hellcat.

"Mmmm…food…(drools)…" the radio crackled into life, and everyone was left sitting/standing there with their WT- faces on, as Praxis drooled over what must've been a toy microphone that he had stolen from some little girl somewhere…

A few minutes passed before Praxis continued on with his speech.

"Uh…I mean…(voice turns all mystical and intelligent sounding)…Children of God who live upon this land…"

"Hmmm…" yes, Jak even had to read _that_ off his script with an unenthusiastic face and tone.

"Pray in faith that he may be saved. As sun lights up the day so does the Sun God Lito illuminate thy path…(belch)…" Praxis ended his mystic speech with a belch that shook the stall to its very core, causing Solomon to scream for another time today, if not this hour.

"Well…that's freakish…" Daxter mumbled, as he stared at the radio through cracks in the amour.

"HEY RAT BOY! THAT'S JAKWARD'S LINE!" Praxis boomed through the radio again.

Jak sighed, rolling his eyes before he repeated what Daxter had just said on his own accord.

"Some kind…of…relig…ous…broad…cast…?" Daxter asked in a tone that was so fake it could kill someone, which it probably did, _which_ it DID, (shows Samos dead somewhere)…

"Your buddy's in a suit of amour and you're wearing gloves in the desert and you call us freaks. What's your deal anyway? You street performers?" Solomon read off his lines again, his voice cracking every time the pillars of the stall gave out an unruly groan or creak to the winds.

"HEY MAN THIS ISN'T OUR FAULT!" Jak suddenly screamed, leaping to his feet as he slammed his fists into the counter of the stall, making it creak even louder than usual.

"YEAH! That fat-ass Baron made us do this! So don't make us look bad just coz he needs a personal Jenny Craig!" Daxter roared. He too got to his feet, narrowly missing the roof of the booth, which made Solomon cower even more, wincing as the wooden stall shook.

"Well…okay…you must have some reason…to journey this far…please don't kill me…" Solomon whimpered, still sticking to his script even at the worst of times.

Jak and Daxter managed to calm themselves down, and plopped back down on their seats, Daxter narrowly missing the roof again.

"We just wish he'd get lost…that's all…" Jak stated, there was snoring over the radio waves, so the stall inhabitants decided Praxis wasn't 'monitoring' them anymore.

"Huh…where…? READ THEM RIGHT!" Praxis must have awoken, and he was now screaming at everyone again, like the self-conscious mandrill that he was.

Jak groaned, glaring down at his script to find his destined line.

"We're just trying to track something down…that's all…And who is this guy on your airwaves…?" Jak stated in an aggressive tone before he glared down at the radio which still had Praxis rambling in the background protruding from its speakers.

"Why that's sir Cornello…" Solomon stammered in his shaky tone, as he looked from the radio, to Praxis, and then back to Jak's angry face which was staring right at him with a raised with anger eyebrow, halfway up his wrinkled with more rage forehead.

"Doesn't ring a bell…" Jak hissed, eyes narrowed at both Solomon and Praxis looking at them in anticipation. When the baron began screaming that Jak didn't "read it right", the blonde was forced to read the same line again. "Doesn't ring a bell," Jak repeated, eye twitching while his eyebrows were so low down they almost covered his eyes.

"Say it right!" Praxis demanded in a whining tone, slamming his large fist into the hellcat dashboard. The situation would only get worse…or worser I should say, for the shorter man was shaking head to toe in the ragious, raging pit of rage yet.

"Doesn't. Ring. A. Bell!" Solomon and Daxphonse exchanged nervous glances to Jakward, watching as steam drifted up from his head and mixed in with some other form of smoke floating at the stall's ceiling (shows Radio on fire in background). "You idiot, what more do you want! I said your damn line!" he screamed, pointing an angry finger accusingly at Praxis who sat in his hellcat, a bored expression on his face. "There is nothing else written on this damn script!"

"Uh, maybe we should calm him down?" Solomon stated in a weak tone, inching further to the back of the stall, away from Jakward and his metal armor friend.

"No…I think I shall allow this…" Praxis replied casually, placing his script onto the spare seat. He turned his eye back to the chaotic scene before him, a pleasant smile on his face even though Jak was having a spastic fit right before him. A few moments passed with nothing but Jak's profanity based screams echoing around the street, until the Baron grew weary of it all. "Read it right!"

"Gargh, I'll kill you Praxis…when you least expect it…" Jak muttered darkly, eye twitching while a strange, maniacal grin spread across his face. Figuring it was his turn to speak, Solomon looked down to his script.

"Um…You're kidding me! You've never heard of the great prophet Cornello?" the old man read, eyes flickering up to Jak's twisted with anger face, in fear.

"What's great about him?" Jak muttered sarcastically, turning his face in the Baron's direction in the hopes of destroying the large man just by looking at him. However, Praxis had disappeared in his hellcat again, making the three others stand around dumbfounded. Where the large man had gone too, nobody found out…but he returned a few seconds later holding two new waste Landers in his hands.

"But I have to fight in the arena now! I don't have time for…"

"Shut up Ward! You are now officially Mr. Ward, so read your lines!" Praxis boomed, arriving back at the scene of the crime and thrusting the two men forward towards the stall. The Baron then hurled two scripts at them, one colliding with Ward's face and the other hitting the stall's support beam. The petrified scream that came from Solomon as a result was an embarrassment to elf kind.

"He…he can perform miracles for one thing. I've never seen anything like it…can I go home now?" a bald waste Lander read, lowering his script down after his destined lines and looking at the Baron, hope written on his face. Pradley ignored him however, and began prodding Mr. Ward with a large stick he'd picked up somewhere (shows the remains of a stall lying on the ground with a support beam missing).

Growling, Mr Ward scooped down and picked up his script, flicking to their current page and reading his line…which even said Mr. Ward as the character name. "This town was a God forsaken dust bowl before Cornello got here and transformed it into a desert paradise…pity we can't say the same for this idiot," he added in a low mutter, motioning to the Baron behind them.

When nobody spoke, Praxis jerked to attention, looking at all the faces in expectancy. "Continue," he commanded, a large smile on his face. All the script readers looked down to read the next lines, confused.

"Um, Sir…we don't have two extra guys…so we can't really…" Solomon began, but Praxley cut him off.

"I said, CONTINUE!" he roared, grabbing hold of the hellcat's gear stick and somehow yanking it out. He then hurled it at Solomon's unsuspecting head, yelling even louder about the whole world defying him. "Divide and conquer!" he randomly shouted, beginning to drive his hellcat away from them. But because his hellcat lacked the gear stick, he didn't really go to his destined place, and ran into another stall by accident. "Damn heap of…oh my god! OH MY GOD!"

Although Jak and his "friends" couldn't see the Baron after he'd crashed, it sounded like he'd found something exciting. "Maybe we could make a runner?" the bald elf suggested, scratching his head while exchanging looks with his Ward friend. Before any of them even considered making that "runner", Praxley had returned, a new victim grasped in his hand.

"Continue," he said casually, looking to the stall happily while the elf in his hands struggled to beak free.

"But we don't have the two next characters you idiot! How are we meant to continue!" Jakward complained, slamming his fist down into the counter. The stall shook violently, and a beam fell from the ceiling, knocking the flaming radio off the counter top and to the ground where it smashed into thousands of pieces. All looked down to see the shattered remains of Praxis' hellcat radio, before Solomon began shouting in a rage no one knew existed in the old man.

"You idiot! Look what you did to my new radio! You broke it! What do you expect living in a tin bin and following this guy around," he cried, pointing at Baron Braxis.

Jakward rolled his eyes, before looking down at his script. They may as well continue this…the sooner they finished, the sooner they could all retreat. "Oh…um…wait, Dax, you were meant to break the radio…but uh…"

"It's too late now, Jak!" Daxter complained from within the suit, peering at his friend through the gaps in the chest plate.

"Oh…ok…well um, don't bust a lung, grandpa!" Jak unenthusiastically read aloud, scanning down to a point he could successfully read from without Braxis accusing him of anything.

"I'm not a grandpa!"

"I'm sorry…let me…try…" Daxphonse muttered, the boredom in his tone sending the Baron into a pit of anger again. How many more times were they going to hear "read it right" before the large man gave up? Why did they have to even do this?

"Sure…" Jak muttered; his face expressionless while he looked down to the wreckage of the radio. They all stood there for a while, doing nothing of particular importance, before Fuhron Bang Braxis became impatient… again…

"Alphonse, draw a circle!" he demanded, pointing at the radio remains on the ground. Daxter turned to Jak in the hopes of some support, but his "friend" appeared preoccupied. Jak wouldn't even make eye contact.

"Ok…um…how?" Daxphonse asked, looking over to Praxis for some form of aid. The baron just sat there silently, eyes alight in happiness again, the struggling citizen still grasped in his large hand. After the suit of armor looked around the stall and found nothing of use to draw with, he somehow crouched down, placing a hand onto the dirt. The circle that Daxter drew with the armor's finger didn't resemble anything like a circle, but the Baron seemed happy with it, so what the heck…

"What's this for?" Solomon read aloud, peering over the counter to see the roughly drawn…err… "circle" in the dirt.

"You'll see…it's called a…transmutation circle? What the hell is that supposed to mean!" Jak cried after reading his line. He glanced down at the "circle" also, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. When nobody answered, and the surrounding area fell into an uneasy silence, that was when Daxphonse began questioning his next script action.

"Uh, Baron your fattiness, how am I meant to fix this radio with a flash of light!" he cried, reading his basic action command before staring at Praxis, who was looking blank. He even had drool running out his mouth as if his brain was being fried. It took a while for the Baron to regain himself, but in due time…of about 10 minutes he was _civil_ again.

No one really knew what or why it was happening, but the ear killing silence that had once drifted through the shaky stall of Bahrur Kang Praxedly, was no more in a few more droned on seconds, whether this was a good thing was about to be put to the test.

And yes, as the sound of 'System of a Down' drifted around the street, the cast looked up to see another hellcat radio, being slowly lowered towards them, by a large surf rod, which disappeared into the depths of Praxis' hellcat.

"I'm sitting in my room, with a needle in my hand. Waiting for the tomb, of some old dying man…" the song went on its slow melody, Praxedly soon joining in, while Solomon wondered in the background whether the song was referring to him.

"…sitting in my room, with a needle in my hand…waiting for the tomb, of some old dying MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" Praxis roared as the rod began to rapidly sway in the air, the radio narrowly missing everyone's heads, as well as the roof of the shaking stall.

"Watch it you fat…uh…" Jak screamed leaping to his feet just in time to see the radio go flying off the end of the fishing wire, and go hurdling towards Damas' tower, where it collided and broke a few hundred windows, before moving on, to destroy the arena.

"READ IT RIGHT!" Praxis roared, the minute the radio was out of sight.

"I'LL READ YOU RIGHT! GRAAAAAWWH!" Jak roared, pulling out everything in his pockets, and any other detachable things in site, and hurling them at Braxis. But alas, as everything Jak threw collided and eventually evaporated into Braxis' lard, all hope was lost, as well as Jak's wallet which contained at least 2000 dollars.

"Whoop…never gonna see that again…" Praxis stated in a bored tone before he let out an ear piercing belch, which managed to eject everything Jak had thrown (except for his wallet) back at him. Most of the stuff narrowly missed the stall and its inhabitants, though we wish we could say the same about the rest of Damas' windows…

There was another short silence, before Solomon decided that he should break it by reading some more of his lines.

"It's really a land of prophets. Your buddy can work miracles like Cornello…" Solomon stated in a slightly more cheerful tone, holding a precursor orb once belonging to Jak up in his arms and gazing at Daxter instead of Jak, like he was meant to.

This act didn't seem to phase Praxis at all though, and he instead continued to dip his newly attained (from Jak) corn chips into his also newly attained (from Jak) salsa sauce, although coordination did seem a difficult virtue, as his captured victim from before was plunged into the mild sauce instead of the corn chip in his left had.

Jak, Daxter, Mr. Ward, Solomon and the bald guy (possibly Mr. Page) all stared in horror towards Praxis as screeching screams erupted from his captive, as she was maneuvered dangerously close to Praxis gullet.

"It's…nothing like…that…" Jak stated trying to avert his horrified gaze off of the site of Praxis still trying to eat the captive, even though he must have clearly realized by now that she wasn't a corn chip.

"It's science. We're alchemists…" Daxter stated in a matter of fact tone. Jak stared down at his script and read his lines in his head before continuing onwards with the show.

"We're the Elric brothers. Not to brag or anything but we're pretty well known…" Jak added, a bored expression played across his face in doing so.

Mr. Page now peered down at his script.

"Elrics, not familiar…" he stated looking at the two friends with a puzzled aura emitting off his features.

"We don't have any alchemists in these parts…" Mr. Ward sighed, rolling his eyes and generally wishing that the Baron would just hurry up and implode on himself…maybe if they hired someone to give him a little math homework? It could speed up the process…

Before anyone in the small clearing could even try to figure out who's line was next, another guy had appeared, possibly out of free will. He held a few shopping bags and no sooner a group of his friends had appeared in the distance, and the guy seemed to have seen the previous attempts and thought they were real. Strangely enough, Praxis seemed to have to no part with this guy's actions, but none the less he was reading the write lines without a script…

"Hey I fix things for a living though. Tell me if you need a job." the newer guy stated, his friends appearing around him, and talking amongst themselves.

Jak nervously laughed, as it had commanded him to do on the script.

A few seconds later, another victim joined the gang. She was rather forcefully thrown towards the stall and had a bit of trouble sitting down with Jak and Daxter, but edged on anyway to avoid anymore contact with Praxis.

"He doesn't need any work…that's Jakward Elric the fatmetal Alchemist…" Lenna stopped reading her lines to glance briefly up at Praxis, confused. "Um, wasn't this thing mean to be the Fullmetal Alchemist?" She was met with Baron Bradley snorting at her, flicking his hand in a snobbish manner.

"Of course not. Now, do not defy your Fuhrer. Fuhrers don't like to be defied," Pradley replied in a know-nothing, know-it-all tone. What didn't make sense though, was where it had previously said "Fullmetal"; the "full" had been scribbled out, replaced with the word "Fat" written directly above it in red ink. Why on earth the Baron felt the need to change the title and degrade Jakward further, Lenna didn't know. Instead, she continued her reading sprees, hoping to finish quickly and once again be free to carry on her daily tasks, mostly avoiding Praxis for the remainder of the day. On top of all that, the Fuhron's stench was beginning to get to her too.

"He's been a celebrity crushing scumbag around Haven city, particularly to the famous Fuhron Bang Pradley Braxis. They say he's a real child un- prodigy, who likes to raid everybody's bar fridges when they aren't watching. He even blames the high and mightiful Baron for these despicable acts of evil," the female waste Lander muttered, a look of horror on her once less horrified face. Praxis was really pushing his luck, as Jak was sitting on the stool, eye twitching unpleasantly while his shoulders shook outta pure rage. It was a sight that most wouldn't dare approach, but Pradley, being the oblivious idiot that he was, began shouting at Jak to read his lines again.

"Heh," Jak growled between clenched teeth, fuming over the whole turn of events and how Braxis was picking on him more than usual through the use of the script. If he was meant to be the "hero" of this damn thing, then why the heck did Praxis keep insulting him, naming the things the Baron did himself?

"Wow…a real life famous person…" one of the random citizens from before stated; him and his friends encircling Daxphonse to a point of no escape for our little metal friend.

"I see, you've got the name Fat metal because you wear that fat metal armour!" Ward piped up, prodding Daxphonse in the chest with a finger. Daxphonse felt the whole armour lean back, dangerously close to the toppling over stage. His terrified, panicked screams could be heard echoing around inside, although most chose to ignore it.

"I'm not the Fullmetal Alchemist! He is!" Daxter shouted while reading the script, trying to shoo the pesky citizens away so he could finally regain firm footing and not fall over. He tried to point a finger towards Jak, but ended up pointing at some random person wandering past. The result of that ended up in the man hospitalized for life. Apparently his newfound "fans" hadn't learnt the meaning of 'personal space'. As the basically dead citizen was carried off to see a medic, the others returned in a slouching manner, admitting to defeat that they'd killed the one and only Fatmetal alchemist. "Uh, I meant…him…" Daxter screamed, correctly pointing towards Jak this time.

"Oh, you mean this lil shorty there?" one of the newer guys read, raising his gaze a few seconds later to look at a raging Jak. Yep, they'd done it now.

"What did you call me?" Jak hissed, rising from the stool and slumping like an angry, angry Praxis based Gorilla over to Ward and his new friend. He looked down at his script again, reading the long line of insults to himself before grabbing hold of the collars of both men. Trying to lug around two full grown idiots was one thing, but shouting out "Shorty! Could a shorty do this! What else you wanna call me. A half pint bean-sprout midget? I'm still growing you back-water desert idiots!" proved to be a problem, and ended up Jak lying on the ground struggling to breathe, having some form of heart attack. The crowd of role players eyed each other wearily, wandering whether that was meant to happen.

"Ah, get up you street bum! I don't pay you to go sleeping on shifts!" Braxis roared when he realized Jak had collapsed, and everyone somewhat jumped at the sudden outburst. For once in his life Fuhrer Praxis had remained silent, probably watching on in eager anticipation at the lunacy unfolding before him. But now that the lunacy and excitement had come to a horrid standstill, he made his presence known again.

"Uh, you don't pay us," the waste Lander christened 'Page' retorted, folding his arms in annoyance across his chest. That simple statement had Pagey thrown out the city by a murderous Fuhron King Braxisedly, and his screams told anyone that the marauders had now found him.

"Now, anyone else like to argue against my reign?" Praxis enquired, his eye surveying each member of his Fullmetal Alchemist saga carefully. No one dared to say anything, and just stood still, waiting for this so called "Rose" character to show up so they could continue with the scene. Quite a long period of time had passed in silence, Praxis still sitting in his hellcat staring at the people before him happily. It had gotten to a point that Jak felt this would never go anywhere, did he speak up.

"We appear to be down a cast member," he mumbled, raising an eyebrow at his Baron. Pradley's face contorted in a puzzled expression, his jaw hanging open slightly while drool began pooling out all over his hellcat controls. Maybe his brain had overloaded itself again.

"You're right Jakward…Rose is missing, and we cannot continue without Rose…so for us to continue, we must find Rose, and make her play Rose…" he replied in deep thought, rummaging around in the back of the hellcat for something. Everyone remained quiet, fearing what the Baron had installed for them. The sight of the large surf rod being pulled out once more was something Jak prayed he'd never come face to face with again. "What better way to go Rose hunting, than with this…isn't she so beautiful," Pradley cooed, stroking his rod affectionately before positioning himself to cast the fishing line and hook.

As the Baron gave the rod a hard thrust and Jak and co watched the hook and sinker disappear over Damas' throne room roof in the distance, Praxis began rambling on again. "Now, we sit and wait for Rose to get hooked…when she does, we'll pull her in," Braxis explained slowly, sitting in the hellcat in such a way it reminded Jak and Daxter of fishing in a little dinghy. It took a while of utter boredom and even more silence, in which a few of the random citizens from before wandered off back into the city to prevail their previous doings, that Praxis felt Seem would not get hooked so easily. The Fuhron began winding back the fishing wire, grumbling to himself about how Monks were so hard to fish for and their scheming ways or prolonging their fate. Another few attempts at catching the monk lady with a hook seemed futile, until finally…it snagged something.

"Oh my God…I've caught her!" Praxis roared in victory, feeling the rod give a hard jolt. He began pulling back on the rod, trying to wind in the fishing wire. Things soon began to get difficult however when the rod refused to obey Fuhrer King Bang Bradexisly, so Bradley called for backup. Solomon was the first to be called over, his shaking arms grabbing Praxis' large waist from behind, grabbing hold of any flab he possible could. Together to two men pulled the rod, but still it went nowhere. Next was Ward's turn to join the newly formed chain slave chain. He wandered past Jak and Daxter, and positioned himself behind Solomon. All three were pulling on the rod now, just hoping to drag Seem up over Damas' roof so they could continue on with the script.

"She's gotta lose some weight…talk about…heavy…" Pradley panted, finding it increasingly difficult to accomplish the task at hand. He shouted at Jak to get his worthless backside into gear and help them out, in which the blonde felt necessary to obey. If he didn't partake in catching Seem, the three old men were probably too stubborn to admit defeat and give up. So technically, he could be here all day waiting for Seem which he knew would probably never come.

A few moments of loud cursing, angry shouting and even a surprise visit from Kliever had been and gone, and steadily the hook began to move back to its flabby master. Kleiver had felt it was his duty to help out those in need (snort) and joined the now long line of citizens and cast members to drag Seem in. All 20 people were pulling hard, Praxis still trying to wind the thing in while making noises of struggling to breathe, and soon a loud, earth rumbling ripping noise echoed around the wasteland city. After the ripping noise, the hook was easily returned to Praxis, and the Baron began to examine the pair of dirty white, extremely large undies caught on the end.

"Klei…ver…" Baron Pradley read aloud, looking at the nametag located at the back of the undies next to a large, brownish stain. Jak cast a glance to the back of the citizen chain, to see Kleiver standing there with an oblivious expression on, and wondered how they'd managed to obtain the fat man's undies even though he'd been here the whole time…

Near the gun turret was suffering a few casualties however, particularly women who failed to withstand the sight before them and had passed out from the impact. While Kleiver had been bragging about beating Jak's personal best score on the turret, looking all heroic with the raised arms stance, he'd been rudely attacked by a hook which had somehow ripped his undies completely off his fat backside. But how this makes sense, even we don't know, coz Kliever was in fact helping Praxis and co pull the fishing rod. Uh…let's just say there are _two_ Klievers…(shifty eye thing)

But with everyone confused, dead, unconscious or unaffected by the affair (like Praxis was) the Rose hunting scheme had begun yet again. Soon the hook had been cast once more into the unforgiving city, now free from the torn, stained, smelly undies, and about half an hour later they felt a hard tug on the line. Within a few moments, Seem was lying beside the Baron's hellcat, shouting stuff about interrupting her special chanting spree with the rest of her followers. Because of this interruption, she claimed the whole world would implode in on itself. However, the Baron just laughed it off, stating that she was overreacting and threw a script at her head.

"Now read…we wasted enough time hunting you…maybe if you'd found the hook sooner!" Pradley growled, pointing a fat finger down at Seem accusingly. Seem rolled her eyes, brushing back the long brown wig super glued to her head gear before getting to her feet and picking up where Rose's lines apparently began.

"I see there's plenty of excitement here…today…" Seem hissed, eyes narrowed dangerously. Maybe it was a form of gesture to call forth the God of the underworld, so He could take Praxis away for good. But that was just wishful thinking I suppose… "Don't mind me; I _want_ to spoil all the fun," Seem finished in a low mutter.

Everyone stood around staring at her, wondering how Praxis had chosen Seem, the leader of the monks and biggest crouch known to mankind, to play an innocent girl. "Uh, that's ok…my name's Daxphonse Elric. Nice to meet you," Daxter read off the page, pulling leavers to allow the suit to bow to Seem. Unfortunately for Daxter though, he pulled too hard on a leaver and sent the suit toppling over into the sand, but not before crushing Solomon.

"And I'm Jakward Elric, Dax's older…uh…friend…"

"Read it right!"

"Brother…" Jak corrected, feeling an exaggerated sweat drop come on after Praxis had yet again interfered. "Also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist."

Seem eyed them suspiciously, her aura screaming out that whoever challenged her now would meet instant death. "Older brother? I thought you two were just friends…"

"Well, Baron Praxis thought it'd be funny to force us into these lame outfits and role-play this dumb thing! It's not our choice! He even forced us to become brothers! Who the heck has that kind of authority?" Daxter shouted, his voice echoing around inside the suit again. He was still struggling to get up from before, and Solomon was even beginning to use profanity based words, even though Jak suspected he was against it.

"Rose, have you finished your shopping for today's Baron Feast?" Solomon read his line from the ground, wriggling out from underneath the suit of armour while getting covered in dirt and sand.

"Yes," Seem hissed back, still unwilling to accept her defeat and move on like the rest of them. Maybe in her religious belief system thing, giving in to defeat was punishable by annihilation? A Baron Based Annihilation…or ABBA for short.

"Well then, maybe you can take them to the bogey man's lair with you…" Solomon faltered at the end of the sentence, wondering who or what the bogeyman was exactly, let alone its lair. "Uh, they say they are looking for something. I bet father Cornello Bogeyman 3000 can help out. You know, have them ask for Bogeynello's Grace…" he finished, nervously eying everyone around him. No one seemed fazed by the strange lines, and continued on, obviously used to the idiocy by now. Jak even figured that the sooner he played along, the sooner he'd get outta here, possibly still alive.

"Errr…that's ok…we don't really wanna meet the bogeyman," Daxter started, pushing himself up onto his knees to attempt at getting up…again…

"It's alright if you don't have food for the Baron's feast today, and besides, he has rooms for travelers. You could stay there tonight," Seem replied in a monotone, eyes blank and not even reading off her script anymore. Knowing Seem she'd have some crazy holy powers that allowed her to read things without actually reading them. Like the time Praxis raided the fridge without physically getting up to raid it…but that'd be unholy powers, not holy…

"As a matter of fact, I'd love to stay so we can escape the idiot over there! Isn't that right Dax?" Jakward muttered happily, first signaling to Baron Praxis in his vehicle then to gazing down at Daxter who appeared to be on the ground again, struggling to move on his own accord anymore.

"We would? You mean you want to?" Daxphonse read uninterestingly, flicking over onto the next page of his script booklet. Jak made a grunting noise to agree, before heaving Daxter and the suit back to its feet. They all stood still for a while after that, giving Praxis looks of "what the heck do you expect us to do now" before the large man instructed Seem, Jak and Daxter to head up the path to Damas' throne room. While the three began to slowly escape up the path, Pradley turned to the remaining three people, eye narrowed in a threatening manner. It was the same look he always gave his dinner before killing…err…_eating_ it.

"Don't think about retreating when I'm gone, coz I know where you live," Praxis informed, pointing first at Solomon, then to Ward, and finally to Lenna who still sat hunched over on the stool in agitation and shock. They all gave him dirty looks before he spun his hellcat around and began to follow Jak and co up the path, yelling abuse for them to slow down.

Once the fat man was out of earshot, Ward turned to Solomon and muttered something. "Do you think it's safe to leave now…" Solomon shrugged his shoulders in response, wondering that himself when Lenna finally stood up off the stool and walked away to continue on with whatever it had been before Praxis appeared. Figuring they were in fact free, Ward stood up off his own stool and smashed his head into the stall's ceiling support beams. What followed was complete chaos on Solomon's behalf, as the booth begun shaking out of control. Ward could see what was going to happen, and ran for his life, retreating before he could be blamed for it. Solomon however, was still standing behind the stall's counter, fearful eyes staring up in dread at the ceiling that began to crumble. Poor Solomon, he'd lasted this long without the stall falling over. Oh well…

Further up the path, Braxis was happily trailing behind Seem, Jak and the suit of armor when he heard a loud crash in the distant. It didn't occur to the Fuhrer that maybe his stall had died, and that maybe Solomon might have been crushed in the process. No, he only cared about one thing: to be the first to Damas' Bogeyman Lair temple thing.

"Hey you pigs! When I tell you to slow down! I MEAN IT!" Jak and co. heard Praxis' pig like roar before they all found themselves dodging out of the way of Praxis' spare tyre, even though the hellcat didn't need tyres…so why it had a spare…

So as the order was thrown at the cast, they began to slow down, groaning and rolling their eyes before they came to a stand still, waiting for Buhreron Praxedlyis, but the 'loveable' fat man never came.

Turning around, they all saw him, too at a stand still glaring at them.

"What the hell do you morons think you're doing! You can't just stop like that! When I tell you to hurry up and get to the Boogey man's lair, I MEAN IT! NOW MOVE!" Praxis roared, "I'm not moving this vehicle, until you get moving!"

Jak and friends sighed, turning around again and walking up the path towards Damas' haven, but they were once again stopped, when Praxis told them to slow down and wait for him again. This resulted in more threats getting hurled out the Baron, when he realised that they had stopped again.

It was a miracle that anyone had actually reached the elevator leading to Damas' throne room, but in the end they were all standing around the doorway, waiting for it to open for them, so that they could load onto it.

When the door finally opened, Pradley ushered his cast into the elevator, before forcefully driving his hellcat into the elevator too, crushing Jak, Seem and Daxter into the wall. Praxis scraped the sides of his hellcat and the lift's doorframe in trying to get in, but he miraculously did it in the end product.

About halfway up, the lift began to make strange noises, as if it was struggling to work. The floor underneath them began to violently shake, and it wasn't long before Praxis had laid the blame on Erol, though he was nowhere to be seen.

"Err…J-J-J-Jak…I-I don't think this t-t-t-thing was b-b-built for such a heavy l-l-load…" Daxter staggered, struggling to stand up the suite of armour.

"Me…n-n-n-neither D-D-D-Daxter…" Jak replied, from his squashed against Daxter position, as the motor of the lift began to make louder, more strained noises, causing the lift to shake even more as it slowly made its way to the top.

This talk enraged the Baron, as he came to the infuriating conclusion that Jakward and Daxphonse were calling _him_ fat.

"Grrr! E-e-e-e-e-everyone s-s-s-shut the hell up! From now on D-d-d-d-Daxphonse, J-J-Jakward and R-r-r-Roze…we only use nicknames, as if to prolong the lift's demise, I'll b-b-be Fuhron Bang Braxis, J-Jak, you be Jakward Elric, Daxter you be D-Daxphonse Elric, and S- Seem you be Fuhron Bang Bradley, OKAY!" Praxis roared over the engine, the lift had now stopped, though it was still trying to move.

"You're an idiot…" Seem hissed as she glared at Praxis who smiled back, saying that he _had_ been watching his figure.

The lift soon gave one almighty roar, before exploding at the top, sending a chain reaction through the lift's wiring before it reached the Hellcat, causing it to blow up as well. Praxis had dived out at the last second though and had crushed Jak into the wooden floor.

This soon arose to a new dilemma.

"Okay…well…nobody worry, because I already had a plan incase this ever happened, just like my plan from that time when the line was too long at McDonald's…" Praxis declared in an all-knowing tone as he climbed to his feet, dusting sand off his overlarge backside.

"You mean the one where you got into someone else's car, sat on their kids then later retreated with the Happy Meals that had been handed into the backseat…?" Seem hissed.

"Yeah…that one…anyway…Rose, Jakward and Daxphonse, I need you three to climb to the top, and manually pull the rope of the elevator to get me up there…okay…?" Praxis stated. The elevator filled with groans, at the thought of having to pull such a heavy baron up the elevator with their bare hands.

"But can't you just climb up there with us…?" Jak asked, a hopeful look played across his face as he stared into the Baron's beady eye.

Praxis shot Jak a disgusted look, causing Jak to sigh before he walked over to the wall and began to climb up it, Seem and Daxter soon followed.

After about 5 minutes or so of Praxis screaming at everyone that he did not wish to be abandoned and that them running away was a clear sign that they were, Jak had finally reached the top. He helped Seem and Daxter up the rest of the way, before they all began to pull on the piece of rope connected to the elevator below.

"Man…how did anyone ever get so FAT!" Jak bellowed as he strained his arms and legs to pull the lift up.

It seemed like they were going nowhere, and as Daxter stared down the hole leading to the elevator, and realised that at this view the Baron looked much fatter, it seemed as though there was no small centimeter of free room on the elevator's floor, and Praxis' gut was even visible over his belt, though it hadn't been before.

"What the…?" Daxphonse mumbled to himself as he continued to pull on the rope. Sometime later, Praxis had finally reached the top, and had come out the lift, looking like it was the first time he had even seen any form of civilization in his life. He held the remains of a roast chicken in his hands, and everyone began to wonder where he had got the thing.

In the short distance to Damas' throne Jak spotted Sig and another wastelander having a conversation with Spargus' king.

"So I told him that the pig farm moved a few yards away, but if he wanted to see a boar go see Baron Praxis in Haven!" Damas laughed as Sig and the other man joined in.

"Choice words as always Daman!" Sig laughed as he high-fived his king then the other wastelander.

"Yeah dude, we'd be lost without you!" the wastelander laughed.

"CORNELLO!" Praxis roared, shoving Jak and Daxter out his way before he went bounding towards Damas' throne. Damas had a sheer look of terror on his face as the fat man hurled a script onto his lap.

"Corn what…?" Damas asked, flipping through the script he had just received.

"Read it! AND you! Get out of the way, you're not seen for the rest of this!" Praxis roared, shoving a script at Sig before he retreated back to Jak and Co.

Praxis dragged Seem over to Damas and she was forced yet again to read her lines.

Sig and the wastelander gave each other nervous looks as they headed for the elevator, which was somehow working again. But Sig didn't get that far, as Praxis wrapped an unforgiving fat hand around his wrist when he passed.

"Where do you think you're going…?" Pradley hissed, narrowing his eye at Sig.

"Um…home…?" Sig mumbled.

"Oh no you're not, as I seem to have a problem with my hellcat not working anymore…so Dearka, _you_ will be my _new_ hellcat…" Braxis stated as he put on a twisted smile.

"Um…who's Dearka…?" Sig asked, but no one replied as Praxis climbed onto his back. It was surprising that Sig could even hold up Praxis, but his legs pulled through, though not without strain.

"Come on people! Get moving!" Bahrur Baxisdly yelled towards his cast.

"Father Cornello?" Seem hissed, eyeing her new lines with a newer kind of hatred. Damas managed to find his lines, and began to read them aloud.

"Ah Rose…who's Rose…" Damas' question was ignored and the scene went on.

"May I put some travelers in the pilgrim's quarters…?" Seem hissed in an emotionless tone.

"We have a pilgrims' quarters…?" Damas asked, lowering his script.

"Read it right!" Praxis screamed before he tore the red thing covering Sig's eye off his face and threw it at Damas. The eyepiece hit Damas in the head, and he rubbed the part of his scalp as if to ease the pain.

"You really delight in helping others solve their problems don't you?" Damas read off his script, eyeing Seem suspiciously.

"Well, that's what you teach us, father Cornello. So that's what I do…or try to…" Seem hissed her eyes narrowing further as she glared off at Praxis, who was now eating a burrito, dripping the spicy bean based sauce all over Sig.

"And God sees those good deeds and writes them all down in stone. But you must be patient Rose. We need a little more time to grant the miracle you seek…" Damas mumbled.

"Yes…" Seem hissed before the scene was luckily over.

Praxis called break time after that, and Jakward and Daxphonse were forced to stay the night in Damas' throne room. They were watching the sun go down through one of his windows and down below they could see Seem, trying to fish what appeared to be some of her monk friends out of the water, after they had seen Praxis force them off a cliff into the raging sea earlier.

Damas and Kleiver were now down below as well, trying to help Seem pull her monk based friends out of the water.

"Uh…maybe we should go help them Jak…" Daxter asked as he turned in the suit of armour to face his friend.

"Nah Dax…we've got our own problems now…" Jak hissed, looking slightly over his shoulder at Praxis, who was still riding on Sig's back, drooling his head of, while Sig tried to avoid the line of fire from the Baron's spag.

Yes, it was going to be one of those months…

* * *

**Bijoux: If anyone wants a copy of the original Fullmetal Alchemist script for this current episode that we're working on, then just say so and give us your email and we'll send it as soon as possible. If anyone wants to see pictures of Lenna or any other OC's in this story there arepictures of them on Corad's homepage...there arealso pictures of Jak and co. in their fullmetal costumes on the homepage if you want to go look, not everyone is there but thereare a few pictures...we would appreciate at least 5 reviews before we update the next chapter, as it is fairly difficult to get the script and write a story to it... **


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